You noe the person whom I always wanted to be was my mum, well there is this other person I ever dream of becoming that's my sister Vivien, she's intelligent, sociable so on she is that one model I have in my mind always never ever feel unhappy taking to her, never feeling embarrass or what ever when I am with her, always full of confidence. Then lately she's been such a fucked up fucker. She screams scolds vulgar hates mum hates the world hates everyone in the family even me :( calling names shouting and all the other stuff that makes me think how badly she has change, no longer that sister I ever wanted to be ever so proud of :( well whatever just kinda really sad right nao. If she ever reads this I bet she just say its retarded or something. Then nao theres sek who's going to NS in four days. I can't go out with him anymore. For a couple of years I guess. I wonder if he still likes Jiaen cause he's always giving me real bad stuff about her and so on.