School is starting. The scary feeling hit me. But not the anxious feeling. You know? The anxious feeling about what's going to happen. I don't wanna play this year. I MEAN WHO WANTS TO PLAY. LOL. but you know, I wanna get myself ready early, to be all study freak and no phone no long chitchats. Get my phone away from me. 2more days. Two more day till everything's back to reality. To no more hopping that someone would ask me out for a bowl of ice kacang to listen to songs in the car and your crazy moves. I guess I wasn't so good at it. Hahaa ok I go finish my homework. Omg you know horh I happily thought I finished them all UNTILL I WENT TO LOOK AT MCONLINE. Fuuuuuu

Sometimes I feel really bad, I have the best things that people would beg for, a great mum, siblings who loves me. A yuhan who somewhat really cares. A dad. Friends that cheer me on, on horrible days. But I don't seem to cherish them alot. How can I start appreciating them?

Do you think that when people grow old,they become happier or less happy? I don't know. My mum don't seem to be getting any happier. I hope things get better and nothing relapse because our whole family needs her. Alot :(

I fucking miss you. Hahahahah today hasn't been real good, I dunno I feel drowsy, I don't feel happy at all. Somedays I keep feeling something will happen, something amazing and I left only 4days. Nothing will happen. No more shisha treats no nothing. Haha fu k

Oh dear. It's like chirstmas eve tomorrow and I am here feeling all moodless and grumpy. That doesn't sound right, right? Moodless... Grumpy. Anyways god. Shopping for a gift exchange is hell of a hard :( especially if you're under a budget from your mum. This morning was fine, woke up feeling like a flamingo in the zoo. Laughed alot in church with Gerald, Jaslynn, Patrick. During lessons. Guess i used up my laughters for the day. Now I feel like a rotting chiwawa with maggots all around me. Some days like this I hate the thought of you. Cause it's just such a pain to keep thinking how to make you talk to me, to keep hopping you make the move. I mean you did, but I just don't know what to reply already. Aiyo head pain uh

So yesterday I was feeling like a horrible person because of my hormones. Hahaha ok anyways I kinda miss you really really really miss. But I shouldn't be. And yesterday I feel like a retard hoping HEY MAYBE HE WIL START A WHATSAPP WITH ME. And amazingly, he did this morning. And it made my tummy fly. so excited, so nervous, so anxious I felt my stomach churning. But I didn't know what to reply, what to say to make it seem like "hey I wasn't looking forward to you at all" I don't wanna be a turn off or what. But I can't let him know I was excited! So I stop replying. HAAHAHA fuck.

Sometimes I wonder why the fuck I respect people like them. Allow me to rant a little. So recently this really nice Aunty in church kinda discover growths around her neck and lym note. Today is a Sunday, went to church, and out of concern mum went to advice the aunty's brother, hoping that they go for a second opinion in Singapore. Perhaps he was worried and anxious, but this was never the way to answer back to a elder " yes we know what to do, no need you to say" can't you be any polite. It bugged my mum the whole day about what they said. Next. Yesterday I went for a wedding ceremony of a church sister. Today is her wedding lunch in Singapore, which caters to her husband's side relatives. Surprisingly, her grandma was not invited to the lunch. I mean she's so friendly and happy go lucky, how can they leave her alone in the house and go happy in the wedding. No doubt she is old and can walk alot but that isn't a excuse to bring your own mother to her grand daughter's wedding. Shame on them. Call yourself Christians. I not trying to say I am a great Christian but hell, I don't do horrible things like that. Sometimes I wonder when I grow up will I still be a faithful Christian. These people should not be my excuse of not attending church, but seriously don't you get really horrified and lost faith in Christians when you see what they do. Someday I hope they pop by and see this. I really do

Sometimes it's just 同人不同命. Day five in Bangkok, I got around 2days to shop. Abit don't wanna go back home. :( all this long rides to different places I think about all the things have to see and do when I get back. He's coming back in a weeks time. That's fast. It's fun shopping here, so many clothes to buy bought things for all my friends! Hahahaha. Sometimes I guess we just see each other too many times we no longer cherish each other. So many quarrels during the journey. But it was fun, I had fun with my mum and my cousins. Especially John whom I call Lublub. It's alittle disgusting but it's from a joke we were talking about on the first day. Yuhan's been a sweet boy lately, texting me daily asking how's my day, today I am going to ask him first! Byeee

Two more days to Bangkok. I hope this one week pass very slowly. Cause when I come back, there's nothing much I want to look forward to, Abby's gonna leave. School's gonna start. I don't want to get too excited of anything, I try to y'know keep calm, cause everytime I look forward to somemore, it never turns out good. Talked alot to Yiting lately. Omg she is so sampat. All the random things she can think of. I miss everyone, Nicole, Kiran, Qianqi . Hope things are going off well for them. Chirstmas is around the corner, exchange presents anyone? Today wet of pretty well, stayed home and finish led some work. Ate with abeguel and talked alot. I just found out Gabriel is working & at the same time learning business wth my mum and bro. No wonder he asked my whole family out for yam cha. So many things I want to buy for my friends. You know give them a surprise or smt, today mummy came home from the hospital and said that Uncle Steven looks much better today, perhaps things are turning for a change. I hope God is answering those prayers, then I watched the 5:30pm show on channel 8 and the story line was about this grandma in coma then waking up and looking good suddenly. Then one of the family members say perhaps, the mother is waking up and looking good like for the last time before she dies. then mummy said the exact same thing happened to grandpa, he became all well-looking and asked for a cup of this favorite coffee, then everyone thought he was fine and went home. Then he just passed away, so it made me think for awhile what if the same thing is happening to uncle Steven.

一直为你祈祷希望祖能让您活久点。虽然不是跟您很close但是记得几年前的生日是与您celebrate的。 对我来说你就像我爸爸一样的疼爱我让我感受到父亲的爱❤现在您躺在病床上我却很怕不敢去看你最后一面。 一直在为你祈祷希望能在跟你出门玩听您说些好笑的故事。到您去世的哪一天我都不会放弃祖的力量一直希望他能救你。 你是好人，一定去天堂。再见面。 我长大要像你一样。

Finished watching Life of Pi and What's your number. Hehe life of Pi is real good, better if you could go for the 3D one! Watched it with some church friends went off pretty well, sitting beside Korean boy Patrick wasn't so bad. He just cover my glasses everytime he feels bored, thinking I am asleep. Watched whats your number alone. You know those days you look into the mirror and no matter how long and how you smile it it, you just look ugly and awkward. Well today is the day for me! Great. How can I let someone see me like this. And worst part is the fact that Abeguel's leaving and I will fucking miss her so much. So so so much, and hell. It's been such a long week. :( I feel terrible, all the things I felt, I did, and thought of, why did I become like that. 2 years ago when Cousin John left for Melbourne, he hated it he said no matter what he's gonna come back and hell it sucks his life to be there for a single minute. Just two days ago I saw him again. The exact same question was asked. This time, his answer was " see first, after I graduate I'm going to look at My results then decide whether I should come back " hmmm can anyone guess what's the answer he's going to give the next time he comes back again?? So from here, I saw that perhaps the environment really really changes a person's thinking, how a person acts and stuff. Even if you meditate " I will not Change like the others " you will eventually. Ohgod. I haven been doing any school works for the pass two days. What is happening. :(. Anyways mum when to see the Uncle who had cancer I was talking about In my previous post, heard things was getting worst, he's like swelling, I dunno mum says when a person starts swelling and all, it's a message that the person's gonna pass away soon. But till now, I still have this hope for God's miracle. I mean he is such a great living creature why would God take him away. Some days I think of how death means never being able to see the person on Earth again and I get really really horrified cause that's just so hard to take. Oh well. Some days I hope I just go to heaven, no O levels to worry no future to worry. But Ha ha, that's what lazy people think. God bless all, I love you.
You're a jerk and I shouldn't be thinking. Bout you.